Mum did not have a "Will"

Mum did not have a will. So on Fri morning, 31/10/08, Andy, Margaret and I went to see this lawyer to help us. He explained the law and its procedures to us. According to the law if the deceased did not have a will, 50% of his assets and monies will go to the spouse and the other balance 50% will be divided amongst the children.

We had all agreed beforehand that Andy will be the administrator. He will take charge of distributing mum's assets and monies. However, were afraid that 4th brother might get difficult and may not agree. The lawyer suggested that we call him and explain. If he disagrees, lawyer will help us talk to him.

That night all the siblings had a meeting, including 4th brother in the presence of dad. All four of us verbally expressed that we didn't want mum's jewelleries or monies. Everything will go to dad. Fourth brother didn't say a word or object to anything. Phew! What a relief!

Reality sets in

Shyan Ray and Matt were so kaypoh. At the send off of the coffin/hearse, they kept asking why the adults were crying. I guess they are young and cannot understand what was happening.

The whole event was like a bad dream. In a flash, the funeral was over and now the reality sets in.

Margaret and I went to HDB and CPF to lodge mum's death certificate with them. HDB was quite straight-forward. They would send a staff down to the house for dad to sign the Warrant to Act papers. The title deed has to be changed to dad's name as sole owner, and it has to be lodged with the Land Authority. For that, I had to pay $85 for stamp duty fees!

As for CPF, they said they will inform the Public Trustee. I am quite sure that mum had made a nomination some years ago. CPF wouldn't reveal who they are. We'll just have to wait. The nominees, if there are any, will receive a letter from CPF in 6 to 8 weeks' time for them to claim their share of the money.

Andy and Maureen dealt with the Banks. There was no problem with the joint savings account. However, there was a problem with the DBS FD account. As mum was the only account holder the bank wouldn't allow us to close it and transferred the monies to dad.

Subsequently, I also lodged mum's death certificate with Power Supply and Singtel. I cancelled mum's mobile phone as well.

Still outstanding is the change of employer for the domestic maid.

In the last 3 days, Maureen, Margaret and I cleaned up the house and trashed a lot of unwanted stuff. We packed mum's old clothes and donated them to SunLove, the elderly citizens centre at Block 3.

Something good has come out of this event. The time spent together with my siblings has made all of us closer. Now we all have one goal in mind, and that is to care for dad. That was mum's last wish!

Mum's Funeral

Mum came home on Sat, 25/10/08 afternoon and died that very night. I remembered that when Margaret called me, she was panicking and in tears. Amazingly, I remained calm and dialled 995. I called for paramedics to go over to mum's house. They later confirmed over the phone that mum has passed away.

Alvin was on the way home after attending a wedding at Sentosa. He picked me up and we rushed to Marsiling. When we arrived Andy and the Police were there. Everything happened so fast!

The funeral wake was 4 days, from Sun to Tue. It was a simple Catholic funeral. Mum's friend and neighbour, Auntie Christine and her nun sister, together with some ladies came to say prayers for mum.

The cremation was held on Tue at Mandai Crematorium. On Wed, we went back to collect mum's ashes and place it at the niche.

During this difficult time, I was glad that I could count on my husband, Alvin. He brought and accompanied me to SPH to place an Obituary on the Straits Times, purchase a niche, an urn, and do the necessary registration for cremation at Mandai Crematorium.

Many friends, colleagues and relatives turned up at the funeral wake to pay their last respects to mum. It was so heartening to see so many people who were genuinely concerned and cared for our family. We are very blessed!

Diagnosis = Liver Cancer

The result on the C-T scan confirmed that mum has liver cancer. The Oncologist confirmed that mum has liver cancer!!! There is no treatment as the cancer is in the 4th stage/advanced. Mum has 3to 6 months to live!

We have decided to make mum's last days as comfortable as possible, and to fulfill her wishes. We all agreed that mum should continue to stay at home. Margaret volunteered to care for mum. She will temporary live with mum and dad. Until such time when mum's condition worsened, we will consider the option of putting her in a hospice. The Social medical worker will make the arrangements for us. However, towards the end term Andy said we must bring mum home so she can die at home.

Andrew and Joanne was at hospital. When Andrew saw us, he made a quick exit. He had only stayed for 10 mins. Is he avoiding us? Is he embarrassed or something?

I had to break the news to Joanne. She looked very sad, and from her expression it looked as if she was going to cry. Andrew couldn't be bothered and has walked far ahead.

I put the question to Alvin if I could bring my parents to live with us. At first, he was speechless! He seemed upset and said that I should just decide and let him know. Whilst, I said I had to consult and respect him as this is also his home!

In any case, Margaret had already volunteered to look after mum.

Liver cirrhosis

Brought mum to see psychiatrist at NUH last Thu. Psychiatrist said that mum was'nt suffering from depression but delirium. The condition may be triggered by some trauma and also partly due to ageing. The condition can be treated with medication but recovery depends on the individual.

On Thu, I also brought mum to see Prof Cheah. He immediately noticed that mum looked jaundiced and ordered a blood test.

The following day, Prof Cheah called me at the office to say that mum's liver condition is worsening. He said that mum must be admitted to hospital on Mon.

Andy drove mum to NUH on Mon, 20/10/08. He's hot tempered, and quarrelled with the hospital staff because they didn't have a bed in Class C Ward for mum. Eventually, the staff arranged to put mum in Class A Ward.

Doctor suspected mum has liver cirrhosis. They made her fast for a whole day so that they can arrange a liver C-T scan.

We all visited mum every night at NUH. Our cousins, Lily and Francis came to visit mum on Tue. Chris, mum's goddaughter also came to visit mum.

Mum's health deteriorating

Just when I thought I could settle down nicely in my department, family problems arise.

Mum has been sick for about 4 weeks. Her health has deteriorated so much since her discharged from NUH. Doctors cannot figure out what's wrong with her.

Mum has become so weak and frail. It breaks my heart to see her like this. Worse still she kept saying that she's going to die! I thought that mum might be suffering from depression. So I've decided to call Prof Chia for a referral to the Psychiatric Clinic. The appointment was fixed on Thu, 16/10/08. I will take leave to bring mum there.

Family Drama

There was so much drama in the family in the last 2 weeks. Last Sun, Andrew broke open mum's safe and Joanne took out all the jewellery and kept them in a box under mum's bed! My goodness! Is this some kind of joke? What if the maid took the jewellery and run away?

Then on Mon, Mum gave the maid $1,000 and asked her to send dad to the Christalite Methodist Home (next to their flat). The Home called Andy to bring dad home. I called Maureen, and she rushed down to check on mum and dad in the afternoon.

The three of us met up at mum/dad's home for a discussion. We all thought that mum might be suffering from depression. I would phone Prof Cheah on Mon to ask him for a referral for mum to see a psychiatrist, and to postpone the operation.

We all agreed to pay the maid extra money from this month onwards. Looking after the two of them is very tough, especially now when mum's health has deteriorated.

Maureen was to take charge of mum & dad's money, their jewellery and expenses. She will give them $20 every week for expenses. She will also consolidate all monies into 1 bank account, and will either add her name or open a joint bank account with mum.

Andy will arrange for his lawyer friend to help mum/dad prepare a will.

I will check and find out mum/dad's HDB outstanding loan.

On Sat, I had arranged with Susan (ex-nurse) to treat dad's leg ulcers. She used T3 oil and aloevera to treat dad's legs. She came back again on Sun, and taught the maid how to do it. We also bought a wheelchair for mum from Susan's husband.

On Sun, Amanda and I brought mum to church. Thank God, she was able to sit through the mass. She ate holy communion for the first time in don't know how long!